Martha Stewart's Christmas letter to Erma Bombeck:
Hi Erma,
Love, Martha Stewart
PS When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch gold gauze.
I
soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries which I
grew,
picked, and crushed last week just for fun.
~~ ~~ Response from Erma Bombeck:
Dear Martha,
Love,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to
tell
you what I have been up to.
Since it snowed last night, I got up early and
made a sled with old barnwood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold
leaf,
got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to make
the
sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it, from DNA that I had just
sitting
around in my craft room.
By then, it was time to start making the place
mats
and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard
Stewart
twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't
have
time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had
on
hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a
touch
of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold
stars
on
the ceiling. Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique
candle
molds and made candles & then made the dishes (exactly the same shade of
pink)
to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian clay, which you
can get at almost any Hungarian craft store.
Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I'm
wearing
for breakfast. I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post
office
as
soon as the glue dries on the envelope I'll be making.
Hope my breakfast
guests don't stay too long, I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay
leaves, before my speaking engagement at noon.
I'm writing this on the back of an old shopping list, pay no attention to
the
coffee and jelly stains.
I'm 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for
school, packing a lunch with one hand, on the phone with the dog pound,
seems
old Ruff needs bailing out, again.
Burnt my arm on the curling iron when I
was
trying to make those cute curly fries, how DO they do that?
Still can't
find
the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an old disposable
razor. . .trashed the tablecloth.
Tried that cranberry thing, frozen cranberries
mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave.
Oh, and don't use
Fruity
Pebbles as a substitute in that Rice Krispie snowball recipe, unless you
happen to like a disgusting shade that resembles puke! The smoke alarm is
going off, talk to ya later.
Erma