Squirrel
Philosophy
Comparison
of Squirrel Philosophical Theories in the Late 20th Century
Capitalist
Squirrels - He who dies with the most nuts, wins.
Hari
Krishna Squirrels - He who plays with the most nuts, wins.
Catholic
Squirrels - He who denies himself the most nuts, wins.
Anglican
Squirrels - They were our nuts first.
Greek
Orthodox Squirrels - No, they were OURS first.
Atheist
Squirrels - There is no nut maker.
Polytheist
Squirrels - There are many nut makers.
Church
of Christ Scientist Squirrels - We are the nuts.
Communist
Squirrels - Everyone gets the same number of nuts.
B'Hai
Squirrels - All nuts are just fine with us.
Taoist
Squirrels - The pecan is as important as the almond.
Mormon
Squirrels - Every boy squirrel can have as many nuts as he wants.
7th
day Adventist Squirrels - He who plays with his nuts on Sabbath, loses.
Southern
Baptist Squirrels - If your nut is a Disney product, you have a one-way
ticket to hell.
Jehovah's
Witness Squirrels - He who sells the most nuts door-to-door, wins.
Pentecostal
Squirrels - He whose nuts can talk, wins.
Existential
Squirrels - Nuts are a figment of your imagination.
Confucian
Squirrels - Once a nut is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.
Non-denominationalism
Squirrels - We don't care where the nuts came from, let's just play with
them.
Agnostic
Squirrels - It is not possible to know whether nuts make a bit of difference.
Unitarian
Universalist Squirrels - We still haven't decided if the nuts exist.
All Squirrels must die
Calvin
& Hobbes Philosophy for Darren "Tycho Brahe" Slider The Erudite
Thanks
fer noticin' me, but no matter...leave.
"I'm telling you. People come and go in this Forest, and they say, 'It's
only Eeyore, so it doesn't count.'" -- Eeyore, from The House at Pooh
Corner