Raising Daughters: Information and Links

DALLAS Nov 19 -- Information and resources to supplement WFAA-TV's Jim Douglas' special report on "Raising Daughters."

SUGGESTED READING

"See Jane Win"by Sylvia Rimm, Ph.D.

Rimm and her daughters examined the childhoods of 1,000 women, then published the findings along with some stories on turning points in the lives of some successful women.

  Rimm's basic points on raising daughters:

• Set high educational expectations
• Help your daughters understand they don't need to be the smartest to feel smart, but assure them that you believe they are intelligent, and that "airheads" don't make it, but "brains" do
• Value work
• Encourage your daughters to develop math and science skills, and encourage them to enjoy math, not fear it.
• Extracurricular activities are important; music, art, dance, band, orchestra, chorus, drama, church, sports.
• Encourage your daughters to compete in athletics
• Travel with your family
• Let your daughters know that popularity is not important, even if it feels important to them
• Be a coach, not a judge. Be your daughter's best supporter.

DALLAS Nov 19 -- Parents across America are banding together to battle what they call a culture that poisons girls.
Little girls don't stay little girls as long as they used to. Females are physically maturing earlier than before.
They're coming of age at the mercy of marketeers and the media in a society obsessed with appearance.
The question is: what are we going to do about it?
Latin girls come of age with a quinciñera. But guiding girls to adulthood in America today is a whole different dance.
Experts say pre-teen and teenage girls have never before been so bombarded with potentially harmful images and pressures.
"It's always like you're getting pressured; like you're a dork or something if you haven't had sex yet," complained one North Texas 8th grader in a working class, suburban school.
Counselors there estimate one-fourth of students already are sexually active, but students disagree. Some think the number is higher.
Psychologists warn that our obsession with sex, skin and thin is taking a terrible toll on our girls, physically and emotionally.
Girls are three times more likely than boys to diet, four times more likely to vomit or take laxatives to lose weight. They are more prone than ever to depression and suicide attempts.
"If you're overweight you're depressed," one student said. "You think, 'I'm going to kill myself if I can't look like so-and-so.'"
According to another student, "this is what society expects. This is what you have to look like. I can't look like that."
Health experts say 95 percent of young girls can't look like that, so it's time to stop trying.
Nationally-known psychologist Sylvia Rimm is one of the leaders of the crusade. "This is our opportunity," she said. "We've never had this opportunity before. That's why this is so exciting. You are the first generation with this opportunity."
Rimm's best-selling book "See Jane Win" has become the most recognized handbook for parenting girls. "As early as pre-school years, when fathers play Candyland with their daughters, one tear will protect them from losing, and their dads will let them win. Can you imagine dads doing that with their sons?"
Don't over-protect your daughters, Dr. Rimm advised. Urge them instead to compete in sports and academics.
Losing builds resiliency. Winning builds confidence.
Encourage girls to develop math and science skills, which often drop along with self-esteem in junior high, but don't label your children the smart one, the athletic one, the artistic one.
Consider all-girl classes if necessary, and discuss jumping a grade if your youngster is not challenged.
If your daughter begins placing a high priority on appearance, don't just rail against it -- show her a better set of values.
Most of all, Sylvia Rimm pleads with parents of girls and boys: lose the obsession with looks that are unrealistic.
"If we don't de-emphasize appearance, the girls get the message from the media, and so do the boys," Dr. Rimm said. "When your son brings home his first date, don't let the first words out of your mouth be, 'isn't she a beauty.'"

Reporter: Jim Douglas -- November 1999 by WFAA-TV Co.

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