by Mary Akers Guyton
~ I have often wondered, during those rare times that I manage to go out in public without my children, if I bear some distinguishing mark that identifies me as a mother. Surely I must exhibit certain characteristics unique to mothers of all ages and income levels. As a bird watcher looks for an unusual crest or listens carefully for a specific songbird s call, could not a
mother watcher locate a woman with children, even when she did not have her children with her? Carrying this one step further, I began to develop a theory that not
only could one recognize a mother, but like the bird watcher, could identify the various stages of motherhood development through careful observation. On this remise, I have created a Field Guide to Mothers of North America.
Mary Akers Guyton is a freelance writer and mother of three.
~ A hatchling mother (birth to six months) will exhibit unique characteristics.
She may, while standing in line at the grocery store, gently bounce a 25 pound sack of potatoes on her hip, to keep it entertained. She may, upon hearing someone else's baby cry, quickly cross her arms over her chest to stop the involuntary milk let-down reflex. She is likely to have mastered the ability to pick up objects with her feet, without interrupting the ritual baby
dance, perfected in the first six months of motherhood. She will, undoubtedly, exhibit the universal signs of new motherhood: dark half moons under the eyes, and a spit-up stain down the back of her left shoulder.
An examination of her purse contents will reveal baby Anbesol, Tylenol elixir with the eye-dropper top; the pediatrician's office, beeper, and home phone numbers; a two-week-old list of things to do (still undone); a few
birth announcements that have not yet been addressed; and a large bottle of extra-strength Tylenol.
~ A nestling mother (6 to 12 months) can be picked out of a crowd by looking for a woman who double ties her shoes, smells faintly of diaper wipes and apple juice, and has one arm much stronger than the other. She will
jump to catch any falling object seen out of the corner of her eye, and will have it in her hand before she is aware of having reached for it.
An examination of her purse contents will reveal a set of brightly
colored
plastic keys, a slightly crushed package of crackers from the salad bar
two
weeks ago, the contents of her wallet strewn all over the inside, a
bent pair
of sunglasses, and a large bottle of extra-strength Tylenol.
~ A fledgling mother (12 to 24 months) will exhibit a singular
vocabulary, rich
in two syllable words. A seemingly intelligent woman will suddenly want
to use
the potty or show you a boo-boo. She will be the one looking around
anxiously when someone else's child calls, "Mommy!" The truly devoted
will
answer "Right here!" before embarrassment can win out over instinct.
At the
end of each day, she falls exhausted into bed and goes night-night.
In her purse is a crayon fragment, a half-chewed bite of the grocery
store's
daily free sample wrapped in a napkin, one plastic block, and a large
bottle
of extra-strength Tylenol.
~ A juvenile mother (two to five years) can also be easily recognized.
Some
tell-tale signs are a cartoon-character bandage on her finger, a
ketchup-
colored hand print streaked across her sleeve, and legs that haven't
seen
a razor lately. She will be the one with the grateful, silly smile on
her lips
when the stranger beside her has a 2-year-old clinging desperately to
one leg
screaming, "I want it!" When driving down the highway, you can
recognize her
as the one who appears to be talking loudly to herself. Closer
inspection will often reveal one or more full car seats in the back.
She's
probably singing The Wheels on the Bus with gusto.
Her purse contains Band-Aids; Neosporin; a straw; a Barbie shoe or Hot
Wheels
car (or both); an emergency package of candy; a checkbook covered with
artistic renderings of cats, flowers, and suns; and a large bottle of
extra-strength Tylenol.
~ You will recognize the mature mother (6 to 12 years) as the one who
crosses to
the opposite side of the mall and quickens her speed, when a toy
store is spotted. Her grocery store cart will contain three packs of
family-sized hot dogs, a case of Spaghettios, and four boxes of cereal
with three
gallons of milk. Savvy in the appropriate value of a lost tooth when
placed
beneath the pillow, she is also the one who will be able to help when a
stranger asks, Does anyone have a tissue?
This mother only appears to be by herself. Look closely: her child is
probably 10 steps behind her, trailing in anguished embarrassment,
trying
desperately to appear alone.
An examination of her purse contents will reveal a permission slip (due
yesterday), a piece of sea grass from the weekend at the beach, a
wilted
flower, a Gameboy cartridge, and a large bottle of extra-strength
Tylenol.
~ In using your field guide, it is important to remember that a mother
can
only be spotted during special seasons of her life, and once mature,
she
will gradually blend back into society. Her migratory routes through
Toys-R-Us
and K-Mart will cease, and the basic functions of speech and
concentration
will slowly return.
~ The final challenge she faces is the difficult and emotional task of
convincing her brood to leave the nest. Depending upon the migratory
habits of
her offspring, this may take anywhere from 18 to 36 years.