Motherhood and Housewifery

"A perfect parent is a person with excellent child rearing theories, and no actual children." - Dave Barry

"Don't be afraid that your children don't listen to what you say; be afraid that they'll watch what you do." - paraphrased (no doubt mis-)quote attributed (no doubt incorrectly) to Abraham Lincoln

"Respect children. But also ask for respect from your children. Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do." - Benjamin Spock

"Building boys is better than mending men." - ?

Parental Preparation Testing
author anonymous but obviously a parent
"Forget the Miata and buy a Taurus. And don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect."

Stop! Don't go. You're too young to go . . . to kindergarten
By Eric Celeste Star-Telegram Staff Writer
I figure the first problem is easily handled by persuading the school to let me read aloud, over the public-address system, a few helpful tips/warnings concerning my daughter. These would include, but are not limited to:

* Do not push my daughter, or I will track you down and push you back.
* Do not make fun of my daughter's clothing, hairstyle or speech patterns, or I will track down your parents at work and mock them, and they will take away your PlayStation privileges.
* Do not take something that is hers and claim that it is yours -- in fact, don't touch her stuff, period, or I will show up at your house and offer your parents $1,000 cash for all your favorite toys, laughing maniacally the entire time.
* Be her friend, or I will spread rumors that you're still hooked on preschool fare like Barney and 'Teletubbies.'
* Notice when she gets her hair cut. She likes that.

The Doubtful Guest
By Edward Gorey
I found the resemblance between a "Doubtful Host" to that of a toddler's parent to be uncanny. "It would carry off objects of which it grew fond, And protect them by dropping them into the pond." I found the resemblance between a "Doubtful Host" to that of a teenager's parent to be equally uncanny. "It was seemingly deaf to whatever they said, So at last they stopped screaming, and went off to bed."

So You Hate Barney, Do You?
By the Domestic Web Goddess
"I have a dirty confession to make...I CAN'T STAND BJ!...There I said it! I CAN'T STAND BJ!!! It's our dirty secret. Puhleeze don't tell my kids. They haven't a clue. Besides, if you're griping these days about Barney, you're out of the loop big time. I have six words for you: Teletubbies: Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-laa, and Po. Be afraid. Be legitimately afraid."

Mothers: A User's Manual
"Carburetor: When a mother's carburetor floods, it should be treated immediately with Kleenex and a soft shoulder."

'Baby Blues" recent archives

You change their diapers; They change you
"My friend's relationship with her husband will change, I know; but not in the ways she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to always powder the baby or who never hesitates to play "bad guys" with his son. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.."

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER by Erma Bombeck

Remove yourself from telemarketing bases
For when you can't take one more telemarketer trying to sell you something you didn't know you wanted...and still don't.
Begin every telemarketing call with a smile and a "Please take me off your calling list." It's federal law that they must strike your name from their list for 10 years.

familyeducation.com

familyplay.com
Customized activity search by age, skill, or location

Back to the Thistle Patch