"Sitting on thistles doesn't do them any Good. Takes all the Life out of them."

Eeyore from "Eeyore's gloomy Little Instruction Book" by A. A. Milne

Good vs. Evil

My teddy bear, Chester, and Suzy Q are Dad (and his teddy bear, Humphrey)'s worst enemies.

In Ogden, Utah, my mom and I bought the grouchiest teddy bear we'd ever seen. We intended to give it to my friend, Brenda Dupper, who'd told us she'd never had a teddy bear. I dubbed him Humphrey because he looked like he was in a constant state of "HARRUMPH!"
On this the summer of 1985 vacation, I had with me my teddy bear Chester. As soon as Humphrey joined the caravan, terrible things began to happen to Chester...
I found Chester choked between the toilet rim and seat with Humphrey sitting atop the seat cover.
I found Humphrey sitting atop Chester amidst puffs of stuffing, a tomahawk in his paws.
I found Humphrey holding a gun, the muzzle dug into Chester's tummy, a dollar planted on Chester's paw.
My father denies all knowledge of these and all events to follow and yet his hesitation to be separated from Humphrey speaks to me of his complicity.
Needless to say, Brenda got a different Teddy Bear.
Chester & Humphrey got into a scuffle over attending my wedding. I don't know the REAL story, but when Dad arrived at the church with the bears in this condition, he claimed Chester had tried to keep Humphrey from coming, so Humphrey gave him a black eye. Dad broke it up and brought them to the church where they sat on the very front pew throughout the entire ceremony. Chester got the last laugh, though. He got to sit next to the mother of the bride at Suzy Q's wedding and had his very own boutonniere -- Humphrey wasn't even invited!

This could be titled If Daddy Were a Teddy Bear, or Why We Bought the Grouchiest Teddy Bear We'd Ever Seen, Named It Humphrey, and Gave Him to Dad, His Twin

Thanks fer noticin' me, but no matter...leave. "I'm telling you. People come and go in this Forest, and they say, 'It's only Eeyore, so it doesn't count.'" -- Eeyore, from The House at Pooh Corner